Thread at Happy Bachelors
Here are some inspirational messages from my cultural advisor about the path of dating abroad and why it makes sense.
An Army of a Million Bachelors
There is an army of one million single men in America now looking for girlfriends and wives while the women are having a ball.
About a decade ago, a Chinese government official warned that if the Chinese parents keep aborting female fetuses in favor of male ones, in one generation, there will be anarmy of one million bachelors roaming the countryside looking for wives.
While the Chinese authorities are rightfully concerned about the fact that one million Chinese young men won't be able to find life partners and create happy families in the future, virtually no one in America is talking about the already existing huge surplus ofyoung men who have to compete for girlfriends and wives in the USA.
Numbers do not lie- have a look at statistics across the country and you will see that overall, young men outnumber young women by somewhere around 11:10. In some places it is 12:10 or more. Add to this the fact that Hollywood brainwashes young women that they deserve rich and handsome young husbands with big cars and great careers and houses, and the fact that 20% of sexy hunks with money and good looks get 80% of the women, and you have a recipe for a disaster for a simple young man who just wants a date. He can't get one because numbers and statistics are not in his favor. Social and demographic trends are not in his favor. The Puritanical culture of not talking to strangers is not in his favor. In other words, he is behind the eight ball when it comes to dating.
However, the above cold facts are not even an issue in today's America and are not known to the average Joe. He is told that he lacks social skills to pick up women, that he needs to get a better job and improve his appearance, lose weight and develop confidence, pump some iron, take a karate class, all the while American women who dress like janitors, who have bad manners and who are fat and ugly apparently have very little problem dating handsomeyoung men. That is the result of the bad demographics in the USA.
The solution to the problem is simple- the surplus men many of whom are not in the most desirable category from the American woman's point of view, should go to places on Earth where there is a shortage of men and a surplus of women and whereyoung women outnumber young men.
Try it and you will see what I mean. Go to two cities- Moscow and Manila. You will see more young women on the streets than young men. Always. And guess what else you will see- women try to look better, they behave in a sweeter manner, they try and be nice to guys because if they are not nice, another woman will whisk the guy away from her- guys are in demand.
You will see than instead of steely, supercilious looks that you get from women in the US, or, no looks at all, your appearance as a man on the streets of Moscow or Manila will attract curious, friendly and warm expression of interest from young ladies all over. They will be asking you questions, flirting with you, and saying yes to a dinner invitation.
So, why are they so nice? Because good men are hard to find there. The men can get a girlfriend any time they want, and at any age. They do not need to exercise, take classes in social skills, dress well or join clubs. And they are the ones who do the choosing.
In many countries where there is a shortage of men, women stay virginal before they get married because no decent guy would want to marry a "used" woman. Why get damaged goods if there is plenty of fresh, brand new stuff to go around? "You are not a virgin? Get away from me! I don't need you!" is the attitude of the men there.
Men walk proud and tall there, they do not sing whinie, sweet songs to women, women sing those to men and about men. It is a man's world out there and a man's market.
Do you want to be there? I bet you would.
Also, in their economies, women have small salaries and need men to help them survive and establish families. A guy with a good job or any guy who can afford a decent date is hard to find. In their country, there isan army of SEVERAL MILLION LONELY BACHELORETTES who cannot find a good boyfriend. Is that where YOU would like to be now? I bet it is!
So, the choice is yours: do you want to be a private soldier in the horny army of one million angry and frustrated bachelors in the USA who are fighting over a perennially small number of arrogant, capricious and self absorbed women and be chasing the will-o'the wisp that seems to always move away from you, or do you want to be surrounded byan army of a couple of million young bachelorettes? I bet that unless you are a glutton for punishment, you would choose the latter.
That is why you would be Happier Abroad.
Are we losers?
To those who consider us losers, here is our answer:
We have discovered that love and sex are commodities as any others and they both obey market trends and the laws of supply and demand. We treat male and female attractiveness only in marketing ways, as well.
In other words we export the attractiveness of the American male to global markets rather than depending on the domestic markets alone. If that is being a loser, than any export company that tries to find better markets for its products is a loser, too.
Global marketing is a respectable trend and international trade is a quadrillion dollar a year business. Can you imagine someone writing an email to a large global company with billions in sale around the world and saying something like this:
You loser, what's wrong with a good old American market? Why can't you find an American customer.
Worse yet: Hey what's wrong with American investors? Why sell out treasury bills to the Chinese and Saudis?
As it happens, an American Citizen man ( of any race, age and looks) is in greater demand in many countries than he is at home where he is surplus merchandise. So, we are here to market ourselves on the global scale.
So many of us spend decades of our lives climbing social ladders of societies where competition is high, the dog-eat-dog attitude is the norm, and true friendship and love are devilishly hard to find. We grow stronger in such an environment, wiser in an unhealthy way, and, at the same time, tougher and colder. We are true societal warriors, ready to crush the guy next to us for the benefit of taking his place in the social order.
In the meantime, there are places in the world where we are needed by many people who are actively searching for our help. Many would like to make friends with us and even share their lives with us. However, somehow most of us do not like to look “down” – we are trained to climb, climb all the way to the top. Be like the big players- the highly paid actors, millionaires, doctors, and other great people.
Then, many of us complain of loneliness and coldness among the skyscrapers of Hong Kong, New York or Tokyo not realizing that ultimately we have made the choice to be there, karmically or otherwise. If we really wanted, there are many places where people want us, and often, we can go there and live a life with much less competition and much more acceptance and respect, but many of us simply do not dare to. Or, we are just ashamed to. What will our friends think of us when they see us with those who are poorer than us? In countries that are poorer than ours? Nah!
One of the sources of my feeling inferior to my fellow (wo)men was that I would always compare myself to those above me socially, economically, ethnically and otherwise, while totally ignoring the so many people “below” me in so many places where I would be so much more welcome.
After I hit forty, had a divorce and a near bankruptcy, I finally woke up and began thinking of where I could contribute to the development of the world while at the same time not to become a pauper. It did turn out that one could do both- one really did not need to sacrifice one’s comfort for the sake of serving one’s fellow human being. I also started looking for social life in countries where I felt people would be seeking me out instead of me having to seek them out.
So far, such a balanced life has proven to be a very happy one. When I compare my personal state of mind, and, most important, my present level of happiness to the times when I was living in the concrete jungles of big 1st World cities, thinking only of myself and how I could please the people above me, I always note with satisfaction that, I have, in fact become happier.
So, the lessons that I have learned can be summarized as follows:
1. There are plenty of people in many countries that need you. Find out in which ones, where and go there.
2. Do not worry about not becoming one of the people at the top of the world. That may or may not make you happy. There are still many places where people would like to have you as a leader; and you can serve them and enjoy the same respect amongst them that billionaires have in large industrial world capitals.
3. There are jobs that pay well, but which are still located in places where people need you. You can kill two birds with one stone- make good money and contribute to humanity. There is no need to become a “hippy volunteer”.
Finding a situation like that is easier than one may think. And it may be the best path to follow if one wants to become happy.
For more expat wisdom and advice from my advisor, see his blog at http://expatriateobservations.blogspot.com