Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Poison Posse

Thread at Happy Bachelors Forum

Taken from page 195 of “The Professional Bachelor”


I’m dating this girl for a month now and things have been almost perfect. We just clicked from the very first date. We never argue, and are both infatuated with each other. We’re basically living together. We have a lot of mutual interests, and there are actual confirmed moments she has held my attention while speaking. I realize it may strange, but the minute I finish on her butt, I don’t instinctively flip over an egg timer and tell her she has 3 minutes to leave. Anyway, she skipped our Friday date to go out with her girlfriends. Get this, it’s now been 2 weeks since this Girls Night Out, and she hasn’t returned a single call. What gives?


When ever the girlfriend posse gets together, all Hell breaks loose. Next to successful divorce extortion, complaining about men is their greatest passion in life, particularly while on their cell swerving across three lanes in the Suburban. And who better to shred to pieces than the boyfriends of their best friends! No matter how deliriously happy a girl is with her guy, by the time she gets finished describing how great her man is, and how great the sex is, the posse will have turned a ghostly white, shrieking in horror. An intervention is imminently critical to “save her”. To think this is supposed to be her support group. They will dice and slice his ass for hours. By the time they’re finished, she starts concluding he’s a rapist stalker who’s using her. When they complete re-programming her into refusing sex, and manipulating him for a “bigger return”, the guy should consider leaving town. There may be a warrant out for his arrest for having so much fun.

An man ever passes the posse test for extended periods of time. He can suffer the humiliation of footing the entire bill for girls’ night out to buy temporary approval, but in the end he’ll be dumped. Chances are the posse has already arranged a new suitor for your girl. She’s on date three, and you’re left staring at your answering machine. The rule of thumb is as long as your girl is away from her posse; you’ll have a great relationship. The minute they assemble; you’re on borrowed time. Never encourage they get together, and never be in their presence. Ever. The irony is that all these beefy whiners complaining about other people’s relationships are never in a healthy one themselves. They’re alone and miserable, and just looking for a guy to blame it on.