Thursday, April 8, 2010
Married Men Don't Have Weekends Part 1
Tired of it from the Don't Get Married Board wrote this
I have noticed a relative of mine never has any weekends. It is always birthday party after birthday party or wedding after wedding. And, if there are no birthday parties or weddings, he must either go shopping for the wife (to improve something on the house) or do home repair.
The grind of working does suck. But not having weekends? That sucks even more. What a crappy life that must be. I am glad I am not married. I can relieve stress on the weekend, relax, cook, and enjoy my hobbies.
It literally is stunning how married men do not get to control their free time. Married men can't question their situation; they have no time to think!
Have you noticed married friends who are 'always doing something' on a weekend which almost translates as shuttling kids around or attending wifey's relatives' wedding/birthday/anniversary/some other stupid thing?
Always. Weekends are never relaxing for them. They have a "honey-do list" that must be completed. Yardwork, running to Home Depot, volunteering/coaching kids sports, one little-league or soccer game after another. It gives their lives purpose because they don't know what a real weekend is, except to keep up with the joneses and maintain the mcmansion. All their closest friends are neighbors and other families with similar aged kids. What's funny is these relationships vaporize once the kids are out of school.
I'm with you guys. Plus, married guys don't even have their evenings free. Who wants to come home from one full-time job only to start another one?
unmarried lurker writes
You don't need to be married for this. Living with them will do it.
I was "granted" ZERO time to myself. She even made a stink if I did errands without her and "took too long". I tried to take one night a week, usually a Monday or Tuesday night because I thought those would be the least offensive. The result was WWI trench warfare over it. Even a single Saturday afternoon scheduled literally months in advance, with her invited was a HUGE problem. She warned me that if I didn't back down, I'd have all my evenings to do as I pleased.
I took her offer. I didn't regret it. She DID. Lesson learned.
My sisters husband is a partner for a major national accounting firm.
They have 2 kids and a 3rd on the way.
Dude doesn't even have time to mow his own lawn!!!!
My parents go to see them twice a month. For my parents, it's not even a visit anymore. My mom pretty much helps my sister clean the house and my dad mows the lawn, takes out the trash, or anything else that needs fixing.
Last night I went to see Van Halen in concert here in NJ with the original singer David Lee Roth. They played all the great stuff from the early albums only. When I came home, I pulled out a old photo album where I had saved most of my old ticket stubs from when I was younger. Probably saw around 100 concerts or so. I didn't remember exactly how many times I had seen Van Halen before, then I found tickets for their tours in 1980, 1981, and again in October 1982.
In December 1984 I got married. The concerts basically stopped, because we were too busy. My guitar progressively moved into the closet, and most of my weekends (when I wasn't working at my career) were a never ending list of projects on "OUR" house, which included 2 additions, with a new kitchen and 3 bathrooms, wrap around deck, etc. I was at Home Depot constantly.
It all seems fine when you're doing it, for the team. But after she cashed out in a divorce, I realized I wasted many years of my wife, for absolutely nothing but an empty dream about marriage and "forever". It's all a lie.
Anyway, Van Halen was great. And the 2 guys I went with? One is 40 and never married. He always has a local girl but doesn't get too close, and is flying down to Columbia for "fun" on Thursday, where he averages around 6 times a year.
My other friend is 45, we grew up together on Staten Island with our brothers since before our teens. He had got his girlfriend pregnant back in high school, and in those days, he did the "right thing" and got married at 18. I helped and got him his first corporate job around 25 years ago, and he did well, so both his sons went to college, the younger just finished. He's a good stand up guy, that's always been popular and well liked by everyone.
His wife turned into a selfish brat. Later found out she had even cheated on him. But for years we barely keep in touch, with our domestic situations, and "few weekends" as the thread says. Then over a year ago his wife demanded a divorce.
Anyway we had a geat time at the concert last night. His divorce was stamped final on Monday. 15 years of alimony, starting at $48k for the first year, and gradually declining. Estimated he'll pay well over $500k in total slave payments, to an ex-wife who got a Masters college degree on his dime, but only earns less than $40k locally. We laugh, in a sick way, because we each pay our ex-wife more in alimony than they earn working. At least he got out of the child support, I still have that for another 5 years.
For my friend's new divorced ex-wife? well neither of her two sons called her on Sunday to wish her a happy mother's day, and she cried in the court room on Monday because for the past few months she had actually changed her mind, and tried to stop the divorce she had oringally put in motion, after she realized what a mistake she had made. Money isn't everything. I hope that in 7 years when my ex-wife's well runs dry, she's still alone, and realizes that she also screwed over a decent guy who always did his best to support her and the kids. .....Besides giving up his weekend too....