Thursday, January 10, 2013

Living on the edge

Now before I get into the next lovely marriage story, I want you to imagine all the fun things you could do with your life if you just received $223,000. Think of all the fun hobbies, expensive toys, overseas sex vacation with foreign babes in their early 20's, escort and Asian Massage Parlor babes you could have with that type of money.

Now if you are a married man, imagine what you could do if you had $223,000

A new member at Happy Bachelors Forum explained what $223,000 got his married friend! Enjoy!

I'm writing this post to explain to all the young men just how much you will pay when cupcake starts building her nest. My friend lets call him Larry is married to a land whale of a women. She is the oldest of 3 land whale sisters.

The middle one has just found a beta/provider (sucker) and is building a 6000 sq foot house. Which sucker is paying for and is (oops) pregnant and getting married soon. The youngest just got married and is pregnant. So Larry's wife comes home from visiting the other she beasts and tells Larry now that my family (notice my not our) is growing she needs a bigger kitchen in order to fit everybody in the house for Thanksgiving. (They need a bigger kitchen because her and sisters are land whales)

She has met with the contractor total cost of new kitchen: $75,000

Now I will break down the total cost of cupcake building her nest with totals at the end. She is a stay at home mom (of course) so keep in mind young men Larry is footing the whole bill.

Cost's starter home: $80,000 - Unfinished basement, unfinished upstairs, like most older homes the basement is for the washer/dryer, it still has the coal bin and a place where people used to store their canned goods, upstairs no heat or A/C again storage. ( Now who can guess where this is going)

Cost to remodel the upstairs: $19,000 (its for the children)

Cost to finish the basement: $32,000

New AC system: $9,000 (cupcake said other one to noisy)

Pole barn: $8,000 (Family is in the construction business so Larry only had to pay for materials. However cupcake will use this against him soon and Larry's pole barn is now full of baby crap)

And the cost of the new kitchen: $75,000 (this is just the construction cost however new kitchen requires new cabnets, fridge, stove, tables, etc.) Larry has a choice to pay the $75,000 or lose his pole barn (see how that works young man its called Leverage) or he can move to a larger house with a little two car garage.

Notice I also didn't include all the knic-knac's and furinture cupcake bought. The only thing that Larry owns are a bed in the basement (new $32,000 basement to be exact, he sleeps in the basement and the dog and kids are allowed upstairs, he works second shift and it disturbs cupcakes beauty sleep ( all the sleeping she does, it only seems to make her fatter and uglier) A flat screen T.V. and an old camero he had in highschool that he just can't find the money to fix up. (imagine that) So lets crunch the numbers.

intial purchase : $80,000
New A/C: $9,000
Pole barn: $8,000
Finished Upstairs: $19,000
Finish Basement: $32,000
New Kitchen: $75,000
New kitchen appliances (unknown)

Total costs: $223,000

latest current market value of property: $ 70,000 (no one will buy a starter home for more than that in larry's market) So Larry is in the hole for $153,000 now keep in mind this is borrowed money and paid with after tax dollars so double this $300,000.

This my young man is the cost of cupcakes nest. This took place over a 10 year period not 20 or 30 years, 10

Larry asked cupcake if he could paint his old car. Cost $1,800, for a car show, cupcake said it was a waste of money, NO. Larry must work 60 hours a week in a factory and his body is falling apart. (Get your ass up Larry you got a nest to pay off)

Larry has also mentioned he gets sex on his birthday, once around the holidays, and if he begs all summer once more. That's right young man 3 times a year. to nail a 220 pound land whale. She will divorce him soon move in her new man and Larry will be on the hook for $300,000, for an $80,000 starter house.

You have been warned young man: Dont be stupid