Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Lonliness a State of Mind Part 2

Sjenner writes

I don't get lonely anymore. I have a busy life as a bachelor whether its hobbies, fitness, cooking, or writing. That fills my time.

Migs writes

Excellent topic here, as I have been described by my ex and current wife as 'a loner'. This seems to be one of their rationalizations as to why I am not good for marriage, though I could list a few hundred better ones. I just enjoy the solitude. I have a separate room in my home which I've always slept in (I can't stand 'holding' all night which is uncomfortable for me. I am not anti-social and enjoy the company of both genders (though I am more comfortable with my male friends because of the generally more interesting conversation. I was a single dad, and my son is autistic (he still lives with me as he is incapable of taking care of himself). He is a man of very few words, but when we go out to the park, hiking, or just cruising around we just don't need to talk. I have read/studied an enormous variety of topics and welcome conversation and debate on any topic or issue, keeping it logical and intelligent. I have very little tolerance for trivial and uninteresting topics (which is why 'gossiping' and talking about celebrities will end any conversation very quickly). No women has been able to 'change' me, although it seems they all want to except in the most casual (spending the evening) context. I worked with the public many years (for the state) and cut through a great deal of red tape for people. I am generous if I know I'm not being used, and enjoy fun and laughter. I will give the shirt off my back to help a friend in need--all of my true friends could be counted on one hand. They all have integrity, and I could trust my life with them. Yet for the close relationships in my life with women, I seem emotionally 'distant'. It's probably that I just don't care for the bonding that they feel is important, and am 'unromantic'. As a young man, there were a few times I had the 'walking on clouds' feelings, but I was in several bands and women were plentiful. I can take very good care of myself, am as neat and clean as I feel is essential and have no need nor desire for another to 'complete' me, as I am complete by myself. While I am not a bachelor, I am soon to be one again. I have been talked into marriage (this last time because she was very close to my mom who was dying and wanted to see me married). In retrospect I could have had a simple ceremony for my mom without the legal contract BS, but I can state this with certainty---never, never, never again. I never feel lonely, and in fact feel better in solitude than in company. I may not be representative of others, but just wanted to offer my own personal views on the topic.

Bettyswollocks writes

I think we often confuse the two terms with each other. Being alone does not automatically mean we are lonely, but most women would try and describe it that way.

We often try and cure loneliness by seeking out other human company to fill the void, which, by the way, only temporarily fills the gap. Being alone and content does not constitute loneliness.

Like I said, the terms are often confused. It's much the same as when we hear people say they are depressed when in fact they are not, they are just sad or feeling down. The word depression is wrongly used to describe a natural feeling of feeling sad or pissed off or disappointed.

Many great mystics and spiritual leaders tell us that to be alone and content we need to die to the drug of needing people. Once we have gone "cold turkey" and ween ourselves off the drug of appraisal and affirmation etc etc we can then enjoy and love the company of others but not desperately need them, in fact we don't need them at all, at least not for emotional fulfillment.

In short, we can love everyone but cling to no one once we die to the need of people.

Feck me Betty, that was heavy,,,,, I can feel myself almost levitating here Nahhh just the beans I had last night.

Modelautoman writes

Excellant post Spocksdisciple, lonliness is definitely
all in the mind. And Bettyswolloks old boy, how
are you? You are both correct when you mentioned
that women only view singleness as loneliness and
they want us to believe it too.

Pyrelight writes

Hello. I've been lurking these parts for a few weeks, but this topic finally got me to register.

I once suffered crippling loneliness and would have said that "ending up alone" was my greatest fear. This state of mind has cost me academically and professionally, but I'm finally over it. I was the stereotypical bright kid saddled with an unconfident beta personality and was therefore not very popular with the ladies. It caused a lot of cognitive dissonance to see the forklift drivers and janitors of the future treating these girls like shit when I just wanted to give my heart. I've since learned why these things are the case, but to a clueless kid without access to the right kind of literature (and receiving constant contradictory reinforcement from media/family/authority figures), it was all so hopeless. I was depressed from loneliness.

I did eventually gain confidence and "enjoyed" a few relationships with some typical AW, but I simply couldn't find that sense of real togetherness I had been dreaming about. At some point it hit me that no woman could take away my loneliness, and just as suddenly I realized that I don't require female validation and that I'm not really lonely afterall.

So I became the thing I feared, ending up alone, but now I feel like my energetic, curious, and happy 8 year old self. A weight has been lifted from me, I've been reborn, whatever. I now feel like an optimistic master of myself, and I'm enjoying life on my own terms.

Conquering loneliness, or in my case it's closer to accidentally shooting loneliness in the face, has been the most empowering experience in my life.

Spocksdisciple writes
Welcome pyrelight, drop by the Intro section and introduce yourself , I'm glad one of my posts helps to bring more men forward to participate in the great MGTOW "brotherhood" .
It seems you've discovered what I and a lot of other men have experienced as well, that being alone isn't necessarily = loneliness and that a man is ultimately complete unto himself if he chooses to be, don't misconstrue this to mean a man being completely isolated is complete, a man may have a belief system or other factor which helps to complete him, just not having women as part of the definition of himself. I laugh at the romantic mumbo jumbo in movies with one liners such as "you complete me!", only women would wholeheartedly buy such drivel hook, line and sinker!

Again welcome to HB2, Pyrelight.

P.S. There is a little boy in all men, that little boy was submerged and forcibly hidden away by society in order for the adult man to be accepted by society and especially by women. Some men have navigated the mental and emotional maze that was constructed by women and society to lock away that little boy and have freed him.
Remember, it's the little boy inside the great men of history which built civilization, Leonardo daVinci was one of the biggest little boy's in history!
"Keep the wonder that a child has, marveling at the wonders of the universe, inside your heart, then you will be eternally youthful", not sure if I remembered this statement I saw somewhere or have paraphrased it correctly. I've always remember that and keep that in mind when I sometimes feel a bit alone or down.