The next subchapter I'm on is called "The Church"
Q. Is there a refuge (from predatory females)
in the church? Might one find, in a church, an
innocent flower dedicated to being a submissive,
biblical wife, or have the churches failed
to meet the challenges to marriage and family
presented by predatory females?
A. Having dropped the ball completely, the
churches, particularly on this issue, are in
total disgrace. While dangling the scent of
forbidden sex (the denial technique) under the
noses of impressionable youth, churches all
over the country are pushing marriage as a
sanctified nirvana. They do nothing to educate
their young members about one of the
most dangerous parts of marriage: the enforceable
aspects of the contract. Greedily
insensitive to the times, and ignoring the ferocious
legal implications, churches continue
selling marriage while treating young nuptials
as though they'd won first prize on a game
show. Unfortunately, despite all the fancy
wrapping, underneath lies the same old nasty
contract with the state, the liabilities and
humiliations for the husband. Churches are
crawling with predatory females masquerading
as born again lilies of the field, but ravenously
seeking willing, naive males. Those who
bite on the biblical "lord and master" routine
being peddled by churchgoing predatory
females, being more deluded than most, will
find (after the camel gets its head in the tent)
their scrotum stretchings twice as miserable.
The next subchapter I'm on is called "The Long Ball Hitter"
Q. I am 35 years old, divorced, a millionaire,
athletic, a member of numerous social and
benefit organizations, a fugitive from several
marriage minded girls, but completely bored
where women are concerned. I settled for second
best when I married my former wife and
I'll never make that mistake again. I'm tired
of all these second stringers and would like an
affair with one real long ball hitter before I'm
A. The type of woman you refer to, a long
ball hitter, is a rare commodity. As you become
increasingly tired of stupidity, cheap
shot maneuvering, cat boxes, lies, poor performances,
and incipient "penis wisdom,"
curtailment of relations with women is often
preferable to another ordinary relationship.
Further, these common, everyday females,
many lacking even basic good manners, are
often just as expensive as a rare, star performer.
Your extensive experience with predatory
females has hardened you, made you less
impressionable. You know too much. The
hiring of a prostitute may seem a welcome relief
to the mediocrity of dating. Only a high
class, beautiful, agile, independent, and intuitive
woman will ever be able to ring your bell
again. Don't expect to go deaf from all the
noise . . . they are few and far between.
The next subchapter I'm on is called "Players"
Q. Having been single a long time, I nearly
married one of our corporate attorneys last
year when I was thirty six. I was rescued solely
by the accidental discovery that she was occasionally
sleeping with her uncle in New York.
But for that windfall, I would have been
trapped and put on exhibit in the public
square with other married men. I am now
happily resigned to remaining off the playing
field, watching the fracas from the bleachers
and, if a truly remarkable female makes her
debut, running down for a quick scrimmage. I
would suggest this alternative to anyone who
is tired of the daily slamming of heads—the
frantic grinding that occurs in the field.
A. You have arrived at the eventual hiding
place of most men who have experienced the
predatory female, learned something, but still
enjoy the game. Most, like yourself, prefer
the exhilarating breath of freedom to the sack
cloth and ashes that accompany a "commitment."
In the end, a predatory female, no
matter how beautiful, will always be the
succubus: exciting, momentarily thrilling,
mesmerizing—but dangerous as a green
"For every beautiful woman, somewhere
there is a man who is tired of her."
—Lawrence Bostwick Shannon