Part 37
The next sub chapter I'm on is called "Hurdles"
Q. Can you list some points for the marriageminded
to think about and beware of prior to
marriage?
A. Don't even give marriage the remotest
consideration unless you are willing to accept:
• Being a guest in your own home
• Losing your pension
• Living with the constant threat of alimony
• Paying $75.00 for a bar of soap shaped like
a frog
• Knowing that between fifty and ninety
cents of every dollar you make legally belongs
to your wife
• Waking up twenty five years from now with
a creature that shares few if any interests
with you—but controls your estate
• Knowing that your children can be taken
from you at any time and used to legally extort
money from you that far exceeds their
support costs
• Being just another member of the vast army
of subservient worker-drones in the matriarchal
society
• Supporting a large cast of doctors and
lawyers
• Having someone else decide how you are
going to spend your money, your vacations,
and your energy
The fact is, you show me a married man
and I'll show you a man who's been hustled.
Essentially, marriage (in America) is the
handing of a rubber mallet to a selected
woman, placing your balls on an anvil, and
instructing her to take a swing any time she's
so inclined. If you subsequently decide there
is something patently one sided about the
arrangement, the courts will encourage her to
take numerous parting swings as you default.
Further, you may be ordered to subject yourself,
once per month, to other ritualistic hammerings
(like sending her a large check, drawn
on your account).
The next sub chapter I'm on is called "The Prince and the Pauper"
Q. Can anyone afford marriage?
A. Two classes of individuals can afford marriage,
the multi-millionaires and the indigent.
The very wealthy only pay small percentages
of their net worth to either keep or unload a
wife. Moreover, those who aren't concerned
with regular incomes aren't losing any sleep
over the cost of marriage or divorce either.
It's the average wage earner, the middle income
worker, who gets the shaft. He pays the
most to be married, and he pays the most for
his divorce.
The next subchapter I'm on is called "The Ceremony"
Q. Does the wedding itself present any particular
drawbacks?
A. It's an expensive, somewhat embarrassing
ritual, often officiated by someone who barely
knows the couple. Many of the participants
and family members end up angry with each
other. Subtle insults are traded. Inter-family
grudges germinate. Practically all the wedding
gifts are for the woman. The man receives virtually
nothing. This is in keeping with the
practice of awarding spoils to the victor. It's
also good training for the new husband who
must learn to expect little. Further, any mistakes
made by the husband on the wedding
day will never be forgiven by the wife. She will
hold the smallest faux pas against him for the
rest of his days. This is also good training for
the husband. He must start getting used to the
idea that if something goes wrong, it's his
fault.
