More from the words of Jed Abraham
It’s called a plethysmograph, your lawyer will tell you. Dr. Karl wants to give you a plethysmograph. Your lawyer will tell you that, as he predicted, your wife’s lawyer petitioned the court to appoint Dr. Karl as your wife’s mental health expert. The court granted Dr. Karl the right to examine you. She wants to give you this little test. It’s because of all the rage in sex abuse diagnosis. It’s just begun to make its way into custody battles.
Actually, you may find the plethysmograph to be the most pleasurable part of your case. Dr. Karl will place a electronic sheath over your penis. She will then show you pornographic movies. The plethysmograph will measure your arousal. Dr. Karl will then show you porno movies involving children. The plethysmograph will then measure your arousal. If your arousal the second time is greater than the first, you will be deemed to have a tendency to commit child sexual abuse.
Now that I’ve got you speechless, I want you to know that this test may also arouse your legal prospects. In the first place, you may pass it. Then, if your wife’s lawyer conveniently neglects to introduce it as evidence, we’ll do the honors ourselves. On the other hand, if it shows that you do like to play with kids, we’ll oppose her attempt to introduce it. And we’ll have a good chance of succeeding. Some courts have flat-out refused to admit plethysmographic evidence because there has been no satisfactory showing that it is a reliable means of diagnosing sexual deviancy.
Of course, the court may also not admit it even if you pass. But our mere attempt to get in will tell the court that we have information-generated by your wife’s lawyer of all people-that supports you. Your wife’s lawyer has gone a little too far on this one. She has exposed her theory of the case: throw enough mud and hope some of it sticks. You will remind your lawyer that your wife’s lawyer has exposed her theory of the case by getting Dr. Karl to make you expose your theory of the case.
Your lawyer will tell you that now it’s your turn. Now you get to depose them. Now you get to test them. The court has allowed the appointment of Dr. Robert Young as your mental health expert. Dr. Young is a professor of psychology as well as a practicing clinical psychologist. He will examine you, your wife, and your children. Together and separately. On several occasions. He will also administer personality tests on you and your wife. Your lawyer will also tell you he has arranged for depositions. He will depose your wife. He will depose John. He will subpoena Dr. Karl’s records for review by Dr. Young. He will need another $5,000. He will bill you separately for Dr. Young.
Your wife will tell of her growing disillusion with her marriage, of her disappointment with you as a husband and lover; how she felt emotionally unattended and neglected by you; how you made her feel she didn’t take care of you right; how you always criticized her housekeeping and secretly resented her going to work; how you would withdraw into yourself and point when you didn’t get what you wanted.
She will tell how she joined a local women’s group; how she learned there that the passive-aggressive behavior which you sought to control her was actually a form of emotional abuse; how she learned that she didn’t have to take it anymore; how the group encouraged her to have an affair with John; how John makes her feel beautiful and loved in ways you never did; how the group validated to her that it’s better to be divorced and happy than married an unhappy; how it’s better for the children to have their mother happy and divorced than unhappy and married.
She’ll tell how the children also became unhappy; how she had attended Dr. Karl’s lecture to the group about detecting signs of abuse in young children; how she took the children to Dr. Karl for an evaluation; how Dr. Karl confirmed her worst suspicions; how she can never forgive you for abusing the children.
She’ll also tell how, for all your shortcomings as a husband, you always seemed to be a good father; how you always seemed to love the kids; how the kids even seemed to love you; how Dr. Karl explained to her that men who can’t cope with assertive wives turn to their children for surrogate sexual satisfaction: how all your attention to the children was just a way of getting your jollies without having to give any yourself. How you will get custody of her children over her dead body.
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