Part 44
The next chapter I'm on is called Divorce
"I am a good housekeeper. Whenever I leave
a man, I keep his house."
—Zsa Zsa Gabor
The first subchapter I'm on is called Taps
Q. Can you list some indications of an
impending divorce?
A. Here are some of the more common ones:
• You return home to find your clothes on
the front lawn. It is raining.
• One or more of her girlfriends are always
around the house.
• She behaves like a stranger, remains
distant.
• The sex becomes poor to nonexistent.
• When you answer the phone, the caller
frequently hangs up.
• She no longer cleans the house or the
kitchen. The place is a mess.
• She wants to take the kids and visit relatives
for extended periods of time.
• She disappears overnight without telling
you beforehand.
• She doesn't want you to pick up the
mail.
• She never goes to bed with you. She stays
up late watching television by herself.
• A process server surprises you at work
with divorce papers.
The next subchapter is called "The Season"
Q. Is there a season for divorces?
A. The predatory female can generally engineer
your divorce to begin at a time most
convenient for her. The summer months are
popular because the kids are out of school, its
easier for you to move out, and there are
fewer holidays to cause regrets or second
thoughts.
The next subchapter is called "Playback Mode"
Q. What is the playback mode of the predatory
female?
A. During the final hours of your marriage,
the predatory female reviles you over all the
real or imaginary affronts she has held you
accountable for over the years. You will be
chastised for even the most insignificant or
questionable slights, some you can't remember,
dating back prior to the wedding. She
may exhibit genuine hatred as she berates you
for what she has "had to put up with." The
predatory female works hard to preserve all
these self-defined offenses and ceremoniously
dumps them on you as the marriage collapses.
She often stages these scenes in front of your
neighbors, friends, and children.
