Friday, April 2, 2010

What Divorce Law is Doing to Marriage Part 25

More from the words of Jed Abraham

Your lawyer will then call you to the stand. There will be no one else to bat for you. Your lawyer decided that it would add nothing to have your pastor to testify to the emotional and spiritual relationship you have with your children. You would lose more than you would gain if he comes across with politically incorrect opinions about women.

Your lawyer also decided not to call John as an adverse witness. The law does not believe that unmarried cohabitation by a potential custodian renders her unfit for custody unless the children are adversely affected by it. John would deny that the children have seen anything unseemly. So would your wife, and that’s why your lawyer didn’t ask her anything on the stand about John. You have no other witnesses in the house except the children, and you’ve decided not to call them. But you do have Dr. Young and his report. Dr. Young reported and testified that the children know that John is living with their mother as if he were their father and that this is disorienting and conflicting for them. Your wife’s lawyer chose not to cross-examine Dr. Young on this point. Your lawyer is going to highlight this with it anyway, and there will be no opposing testimony in the record.

All your other potential witnesses, such as your neighbors and buddies who have seen how you interact with your kids, have the same limitations that your wife’s witnesses have: they don’t know what went on behind close doors. To call them now would be like inviting your wife’s lawyer to use your own lawyer’s cross examination technique against your own witnesses.

So this is it. You will feel the utter crush of the system. In the short time you are on the stand, a stranger in a black robe will form a lasting impression of you that will fix forever whether you will remain a full-fledged father to your children.

Your lawyer will ask you to tell the court about your share in caring for the children when they were younger: how you were there in the delivery room when they were born: how you were the one who got up at night to give them their bottles and change their diapers. No, you didn’t reason too long with them then.

You’ll tell the court how you tried to get home from work by 7 PM to be with them: how your wife made them yours, anyway, from the moment you stepped in the door; how you gave them a bath before bedtime. No, you never fondled them or exposed yourself to them then. Then or ever.

You’ll also tell helped them with homework: how your wife never told you that was cheating: how you read to them before they went to sleep; how you spent time with them on weekends: praying at church, playing in the park, swimming in the pool, fishing along the creek-how you spent every bit as much active time with the kids as your wife did. How you miss them.

Your lawyer will ask how you will be able to care for the children if you are awarded joint custody. You will answer that you will continue to be available for them as before. You will spend as much time as possible with them. You live in the same school district as your wife. You will get baby-sitters to be with them when they get out of school until you get home from work. You can cook. You clean and wash. You don’t need help to change a light bulb.

Your lawyer will ask what you would do if you have to go out of town on business. You will tell the court that, of course, you will let the children stay with your wife. If, for some reason, she didn’t want them or couldn’t have them than, you will call the parents of the children’s friends and ask them then, you will call the parents of the children’s till you got back. If that couldn’t be arranged, you’d think of something. You’re sure the people at your church would help you out.