Friday, April 2, 2010

What Divorce Law is Doing to Marriage Part 10

This is word for word from Jed Abraham

You will mutter to the lawyer that you want to clear your name. If you settle the abuse charge and agree to stay away from the house, it’s like agreeing to punishment for something you didn’t do.

The lawyer will explain that the odds are against you. If your wife can give any kind of evidence that the judge can hang his hat on –if she can convince him that you harassed, or even just threatened to harass –her, he will feel pressure to grant her petition. For an order of protection, he doesn’t need proof beyond a reasonable doubt; he only needs a preponderance of the evidence and an impression that she is more credible than you.

If you lose on the abuse charge, you jeopardize the whole custody case. And then it may be on to the criminal and civil damage cases. Better to settle the abuse charge now as best you can and get it dismissed, at least for the interim; then figure out how to deal with it later if your wife tries to raise it again when you seek permanent custody. At least, you won’t have to litigate it twice.

So, with the money I just saved you, go get yourself a decent place to live, even if you can’t afford it. You’ll have to show the court that the kids can live comfortable with you. And in the meantime, you can collect your personal belongings from the house-when your children aren’t home.

You will purchase peace by settling the abuse charge. The price you pay will become apparent only later. Your children will wonder why you left home. Mommy may not tell them the truth. She may tell them that you did bad things and you had to go away. Your children will be very scared. They won’t believe Mommy at first. They’ll believe that you went away because they did bad things, that you’re angry with them and don’t want to live with them anymore.

During your first visitation, you’ll tell your children why you left home. You won’t tell them the truth, either. You won’t tell them that Mommy forced you out to achieve a tactical advantage in her divorce case. You’ll tell them that you and Mommy hadn’t been getting along and that you and Mommy agreed it would be better if you left the house for a while. You’ll assure them you still love them very much.

Your children won’t believe you. They’ll see that you’re not angry with them, but they’ll sense that you’re nervous about what happened and that you seem to be hiding something. They will believe Mommy was right after all.

More on “When Your Wife Files For Divorce” on the next summary.